How do I find my core beliefs and values?
The most basic definition of “values” is that they’re a set of opinions or beliefs that influence how you live your life. They are ideas that are important to you and characterise who you are as an individual.
Values are very important because they play a key role in shaping how you respond to situations and how you set goals. Going against your core values may increase stress and emotional dysfunction, including anxiety and depression.
Your set of core values is unique to you and is influenced by your life experiences. Psychologists also recognise that it’s important to keep check of your values throughout your life because they can change as your career and personal life develops, and as you grow as a person.
To get a sense of what your values may be, it can be helpful to review a list of core values for ideas.
Determine your core values
Life values are the fundamental core beliefs that dictate your behaviour and goals and help you measure your overall success in your life.
Typically, values begin in childhood as your parents teach you some of what they believe to be the most important life values. However, upon entering adulthood, the responsibility lies on each individual to identify their own values as these factors will serve as motivation and benchmarks for success — or self-fulfilment. This is why your core values and beliefs need to be realistic or you will never be able to attain them and happy or contented you won’t be.
As you look at the values you hold dear, you may find that they shift as you encounter changes and adapt to your current life settings. For example, you may have a certain set of values that were most important as you entered adulthood but may not seem as important once you got married and had children as they become your primary focus. Some values may remain consistent throughout your life, but they do not need to have strict boundaries or limits. Keeping a check on your emotions is often a good way to start. If you feel unaligned then you may want to review your core values.
1. Set your values
Write down every value that resonates with you. Add any you think of that are not on the list as well. Select the values that most accurately describe your feelings or those that affect your behaviour from the list here.
2. Who do you admire (your role models) — Consider why they are so important to you.
Generally, when we admire a quality in others it’s because it’s something we value ourselves (this helps you to set your core values). Think of six people you admire, role models or valued connections for you. Then, write their names down.
It could be anyone. A family member you look up to or a colleague because of their ethos (what they stand for and believe in), perseverance and dedication. You may also add people you consider heroes as well. For example, Oprah or someone who stood up against the system and changed history as a result (e.g., Martin Luther King).
Note the values that these six people embody.
3. Value your life experiences
Adverse childhood events, traumatic experiences and the best moments in your life will help you learn about your values.
What do these experiences reveal about your core values?
For example, if you just graduated or obtain the promotion you wanted, it’s possible that commitment and dedication are important values for you. A painful experience may have taught you that empathy and compassion are important attributes to you.
4. Create groups
You have written down your values. Now, review the list and consider creating groups to place the values into categories. You may have written down growth, learning and personal development. These values may fall under one single category: Self-growth. You may have selected stability, reliability and punctuality. These values could all be grouped together. Categories help you group important themes together so the theme becomes the main set of values (especially, if you have listed over a dozen of values or more). See the next bullet point.
5. Identify the central theme
What is the best word that represents each group?
One of the examples above used the word “self-growth” from growth and self-development. In each group, leave the other words in the group in parentheses next to the central theme word to give the primary value more context. Using the example above “learning” can be in parentheses.
6. Your fundamental core values
Use each theme to rank your values in order of importance. It’s okay if you have six top core values or two dozen but it’s typically best to narrow them down to six or eight.
If you have more than twelve, then use the themes to decide what values are essential to your life. You may apply your core values in your daily life and decide if they truly resonate with you. Take a step back and evaluate their importance. Use this to place them in the correct order.
7. Observe yourself and learn
As you live your life, be mindful of the choices you make and the way you behave.
Observe yourself in the smallest of details for a week for example. Consciously put a label on the values behind your key decisions.
Pay particular attention to whether the values you chose are reflected in your daily life. If not, what values are you expressing or living by as you go through your day? Do you recognise patterns?
What can you learn about what you want, what you are willing to give up, and what is non-negotiable in your life?
If you experience a lot of dissatisfaction with your choices, you may not be living up to your values or you may need to re-evaluate what is most important to you.
“Values are the principles that give our lives meaning and allow us to persevere through adversity.”
What are the benefits of identifying your values?
Living in accordance with your nature and the principles you believe you should follow can help you live up to your expectations and understand your motivation so you can be happy and feel fulfilled. Here are some reasons for identifying your core values and living a life aligned with them. They help you:
Find your purpose (knowing your values helps you figure out what you want out of your life)
Guide your behaviour (your action match who you want to be and be seen as a person) and reduce stress and anxiety resulting from not living a life aligned with core values and beliefs. Are your values still accurate today?
Make decisions. When you need to take an important decision, ask yourself what options someone who values the things you do would choose.
Choose a career: What matters to you as a person. Self-growth, learning, or being surrounded by material things. When you know your motivations and what matters to you, it’s easier to choose the right career path.
Increase your confidence (values bring a sense of safety and stability into your life because you know what you want and what’s important to you).
Always remember that core values are not rigid principles you should follow with obstination.
There may be times when top values come into conflict. Understanding why you are choosing Value 1 instead of Value 2 in certain situations can be helpful in resolving any inner conflict you may feel.
It can also happen that certain values may rise to the top in particular situations. And, it’s okay as long as they do not conflict with your feelings and emotions or make you do something that makes you deeply unhappy.
Sometimes you’ll have to defend against difficult people who seem to be guided by negative values. With such people, it can be a challenge to stick to the positive values you hold near your heart.
Observing yourself and being honest about what you see in yourself might keep the phrase “core values” from becoming a cliché.
You can’t be perfect and you’ll often need to compromise, but you can aim for the integrity that a values-driven life can provide. This is why setting your top values is very important.
Are you ready to start?
Take a deep breath and write down those values, categorised them into groups and use the themes to set your top values.